monday morning ponderings.......

Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up

I spend much of my time watching and pondering the mysteries of the human race.  We are so different yet so much the same---our own little comfortable boxes filled with ideas we've been passed and given and had layered upon us without us even knowing someone was placing something upon us--we just learned to carry the weight around.

I wonder..

wonder...

wonder..

pondering and pondering and pondering...

why, because, what if....

culture and religion and the experiential after effects of living in a home with someone who too wears the masks of their ancestors

...what if...

we learned to break open our little world,

tear a crack in our safe little abode of a box

and

took off those glasses that are colored with something other than our prescription of what is right and good and valued...

...

how do we

hurt each other

prick each other

rumble and grind against each other and

then in the same breath

say

God....IT is love...

go to church

sit on a pew

go home and

then 

talk about the people next door....whose names we don't know and whose story remains untold....

If we 

open it up,

take it off,

strip down a level of our wall

walk through the fear

what will there be

...

what will we find

eye to eye

toe to toe

people to people

underneath our multi layered safety zone

underneath that stuff that

causes us to push away others,

roll our eyes,

think those bad thought...

underneath all those layers we are burdened with

underneath it all

is 

a seed from which we came

planted deep inside the hidden crevices of our heartspace

rooted in 

love that flows from the basement of time

is 

humanities hidden potential

...

to offer grace,

extend mercy,

meet hand and heart and soul

and

stand 

eye to eye

where 

we will realize

....

There is only 

LOVE

that 

remains.

May we all 

try really hard

just for a moment or perhaps all day long

to 

crack open our little 

boxes of delusional safety

allow that seed to spread out some roots

and

share a bit of ancient truth...

LOVE

...

Be a great Monday!

blessings...the radical rambler

:You are loved:

“Limitless undying love which shines 

around me like a million suns

 it calls me on and on across the universe.”

john lennon

I was driving along feeling a bit hopeless.  
It really was an extraordinary morning.  The breeze was cool and blew through the window that I had cracked.  The coolness of the morning tried to awaken me, but I, well I was was deep inside myself closing off from the world--becoming detached from my emotions---something I've perfected over the last 50 years of my life and I suppose at times--it has served me well-but all too well at other times.

Just as I was almost to the place where I get to work--it happened!  From out of an ordinary detached morning from myself--something from the Universe stepped out and created a normal but yet extraordinary scenario for me to take in.

The light turned red and I was stuck at the light.  I tapped the steering wheel to the beat of black gospel praise on the radio---and zoned out.  I looked to my right and there they were---same old green van, same old balding dad in his teal green scrubs---same little blond girl--grown up a bit since I last wrote about them but there they were---waiting for me I suppose.

The bus pulled up.

Dad got out of the car, rushed around to help his girl out of the car.  He looked at her with love and adoration and as I watched I realized that the love I witnessed was filling up the air around me almost in such a tangible way, I could just about reach out and touch the invisible atoms that were bombarding off them, zooming out into the atmosphere and somehow making it over to me----50 (not almost 50 something anymore) reaching me--just when I needed it most.

He stared at her--you could tell he believed that she actually hung the moon and she him.   He helped her on the bus and stood staring as she took her seat to take her on to school that day.  As I assume she was sitting, he was still staring--standing there at the door waiting for something--and just as the bus drove off---he pulled up his hand and signed the "symbol for love"  holding it high and unashamed as his "girl" drove off for her day so school...

and 

there I sat

on what felt like a hopeless day

and i smiled...

smiled at the wonder of the Universe...

smiled because

I knew

the stopping at the light 

was no mere accident

for

I

i needed a subtle reminder

that

I too had been sent off 

for my day at work

with similar 

types of wonder.

Big Daddy packing my lunch

a "love you too" from my girl

off color son--he was still asleep but I peaked in right before I left 

I zoned out for just a bit

smiled again

and

felt a sense of Holy

as I remembered the sound of the symphony 

of birds playing as I got in my car...
cool breeze whispering --you're alive---LIVE! in my ear.

Something in me shifted--if only for a fragment of a day---
and as the bus
drove off
I whispered a prayer of thanksgiving
for 
all those I loved and adored
and
thanked the Creator
for 
that great "love" sign
just when I needed it most.

Have and be a  great day!!!
Watch for it!!!
that sign that you are loved....it is right in front of you!

Blessings...

the radical rambler...

AND THE BUTTERFLY BROUGHT THE MESSAGE.....

When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter, then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor. Thomas Kinkade

Yesterday, I was walking into the place where I spend a majority of my time earning a paycheck to pay the bills and allow me to play.

I was deep in thought about some issues I'd been wrestling with--mainly those damn old tapes that play over and over in my southern head.  YOU--did it all wrong.  You--are too nice.  You---should've....   I could almost hear myself saying to myself...

Why Bless my little Southern heart!!!

and

Suddenly without rhyme or reason

in the midst of a gray cloudy morning

something inside me flipped

flipped on myself

and

said,

"Stop"

you are doing the best you can

now 

do something different

.....

Transform

...

I said to myself

but it is hard work

and

I'm tired.

....

I said to myself,

Just do it

be willing to change

....

Just as I finished talking to myself about myself

something stopped me dead in my tracks.

I saw something sticking up

on the ground so i stopped to look.

There in front of me 

right at the moment i needed to see it

was 

an Eastern Swallowtail Butterfly...all closed up....sort of like me.

I thought it was dead so I bent down

even though I thought I might be late to work

and

I looked.

it did not move

so 

I touched it

ever so slightly

and

when I did

...

it happened...

right before my eyes..

this closed up

entity

opened up

opened up to reveal 

spectacular beauty

yellow and black

mixed together opening so gracefully

i stood in awe as if I 

was standing 

right before the 

Creator ITSELF

stood in a moment of sacred silence

and

as it stood still

all opened up for me to see

I think I heard 

from somewhere 

either out there or inside

the 

whisper that said,

"go on.........change."

....

I smiled

paid homage to

the sender of 

a message I needed

and

walked on my way.

....

Today

I'm thankful for the way

we are given subtle and startling messages

that speak to us

intimately 

...

thankful

for my morning 

wakeup call to live

and

grow and transform

........

thankful for a moment on Holy Ground

...

this morning

thankful for the cool breeze,

the birds singing,

hot coffee with hazelnut cream

and

for 

peace

in my heart

that

it really is

okay

to change and be!!!

May it be so...

Have a Great Tuesday...

The radical rambler

Off Color Birthday Week............

“I think that the best kind of change, is the change that comes from the inside and begins it's way out until it emerges on the outside; a change that is born underneath then continues and spreads until it has reached the surface. That's a true change. A powerful change. And I have found that while we are emerging, changing into something glorious; it is actually us becoming who we really are. A water lily is born underneath the water, inside the soil at the bottom of the river or lake. And the water lily has always been a water lily for that whole time that it was sprouting out of the wet soil, reaching up through the dark water towards the sunlight, stretching and grasping for the surface; where it then buds and blooms on the outside in the sunshine. It doesn't bud and bloom on the surface and then try to reach down below into the soil.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Tuesday morning brings a rather normal feel to the "off color" household.  Glitzy dog is running around snorting with his big bone stuck between his teeth, looking for a person on which to leave his slobber or else convince them to stop what they are doing and play. 

He's growing out of his eat everything stage or else his compulsion to have us like him has actually started him toward better dog behavior.  "Off color daughter" celebrated her 17th birthday yesterday--- so for three days both our off color kids will be the same age.   "Off color son" turns 18 on Thursday and just like you hear all those "other" parents saying....."where did the time go".

Everyone is now safely home from their travels.  They returned home late...very late on Friday evening. We picked "off color daughter" at the airport late on Friday--it was probably the latest Big Daddy and I have been up in years.  We tried to be subtle in our excitement to see her, but the sign saying, Pick up for Princess "M" gave it away.  It was past midnight when we got home and even later when we got to sleep since we had to hear about all the "off color children's spring break adventures".  

"Off color daughter" spent her week in China, touring and absorbing the culture.  She took some great pictures, visited the  great wall, temples, marketplaces, saw people and collected story upon story.  We still haven't heard them all because she is jet lagged.  "Off Color Son" returned from a relaxing vacation with his friends at Panama City Beach.  He said, "I just took some time to relax and think."  He for sure is growing up.  Big Daddy and I enjoyed some quiet time while they were gone and if I remember correctly, I believe one night we went to bed at five because we didn't feel well----and went to sleep---we are for sure getting old.

I look at my children and am thankful. I'm thankful for laughter and long discussions.  I'm thankful for two little ones who taught me more theology than any class I ever took in seminary. 

They have taught Big Daddy and I the depths of off color love teaching us about laughter, celebration,  mercy, grace and forgiveness.  They are the best of off our off color genes!!!

This morning, as the birds sing their morning song,

as the breeze blows through the window I just opened behind me,

as the sun starts to raise her shade,

I sit here in my little off color abode, 

Big Daddy Boo Boo sitting to my left,

glitzy dog jabbing his nasty bone in my side,

off color children still snoring a bit

and

I realize

Life is more than pretty damn good

and

I--sexy hot mama that I am-- am blessed

so blessed

to live in 

our 

little

"off color world."

The best kind of life is the "off color kind".

Happy birthday week off color kids!!!

"Heart you both to the moon and back!"

Keep on Blooming!!!

NEWS ALERT:  Big Daddy gave off color daughter his car for her birthday--no ghetto van/Big Bertha (he decided he was afraid for her to drive it)  Off Color daughter now is styling and 

Big Daddy...well Big Daddy is trying to figure out how to get all those radical liberal stickers off the back of his new ride.

Be a great day!!!!

the radical rambler

Eastered

“Awakening is not a thing. It is not a goal, not a concept. It is not something to be attained. It is a metamorphosis. If the caterpillar thinks about the butterfly it is to become, saying ‘And then I shall have wings and antennae,’ there will never be a butterfly. The caterpillar must accept its own disappearance in its transformation. When the marvelous butterfly takes wing, nothing of the caterpillar remains.”
― Alejandro Jodorowsky

Suddenly, in an instant or more like a year,

a transformation moved over me, settled upon me, unfolded within so slowly I couldn't even recognize that it was happening.

I can remember as I stand and reflect.  I can almost feel it again.

I recall It---- Darkness moving over my spirit,

removing any hint of light and finding myself

LOST

Lost within myself,

Lost and Unconnected,

Lost and ready to Leave...Leave it All.

I continued to walk

not knowing how my next step my occur...not really knowing if I could or wanted to continue but somehow

I did.

I traveled to the very edge

stood for a moment

thought about it

and

cried out...

cried out 

to something or someone or anything

to send me 

something 

anything

anyone

who might

Save me.

Darkness came over

Fog settled on my thinking process,

a film covered my ability to see see clearly

and

I stopped for a bit...

and

I found myself

entombed within myself.

Lost

 I waited

waited for a long time

what seemed forever for 

You to come

and

you did

rag around your charcoal hair,

African Accent

and

you said,

when you put your feet on the ground

:praise God you are alive:

....

and 

I was Eastered

eastered up from the darkness

pulled forth into the light

oh it didn't occur over night

it has taken a while

to walk out

walk into the light of resurrection

but

I 

am there

moving forth from my resting place

into the world

to be 

fully 

known

by name

fully seen

fully present

and

as 

someone one said,

Life...

it is Good....and I'm glad I get to do it.

Thankful for Resurrections of all kinds

Thankful for Sonshine that calls me forth

Thankful

for Easter moments 

that 

cause 

us

to be recreated, rebirthed, risen if you will

into a better version--a transformed version--of who we were created to be..

So thankful...

I've been Eastered...over and over and over again.

May you too

feel Easter resurrection

on this 

Holy Sunday...

Blessings

The Radical Rambler

ps. don't eat too much chocolate

Holding our Breath

Christmas and Easter can be subjects for poetry, but Good Friday, like Auschwitz, cannot. The reality is so horrible it is not surprising that people should have found it a stumbling block to faith."
— W.H. Auden

Silence fills the void

as we wait

holding our breath

on the cusp

of 

the evening dusk.

Meal shared with friends

betrayal

rejection

pain

suffering

and

then

finally reaching the 

bottomless pit of despair as we hear those words from a distant past

"it is finished"

the sound of silence

supports us

through the night.

and we wait on the edge of hope 

praying 

for

Resurrection Sunday

to come again.

may it be so...

for all of us...

The radical rambler 

may the Mystery Unfold.....

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. 

That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, 

if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."- Erica Jong

It is Thursday and it is not just the typical kind of Thursday.

First, we dropped off color daughter at the airport this morning.  She is currently in the air on the way to China for a week.  Big Daddy and I did everything we could to embarrass her at the airport.  We yelled her name and gave the love symbol as she went through security and then as she got through she stood and stared and suddenly Big Daddy and I gave her the big heart draw in the air followed by our off color jerk dance..The heart draw is what we one time saw on a prison documentary.  Two of the female prisoners were in love and both being housed in opposite sides of the prison, when one would get her time outside she would stand at the opposite side of the yard while inmate number one stood on her bed to gaze out the window.   At just the right moment they would draw big hearts in the air and the one would yell, "I heart you!"  It has become one of our "warm fuzzy" ways of embarrassing the children.  The jerk dance is what we'd do at her band concerts when she looked at us.  Once one of her friends asked her to look at those weird people in the stands dancing to the music and off color daughter said, " I was too embarrassed to tell them those weird folks were my parents!"

Well she is off and just like when they go to school--you kiss them good by and place them into the hands of the Universe and pray for their protection. I have no doubt, China will never be the same!!!  And for sure there will be more stories to share.

It is a table talkin' kind of day.  Tonight, millions of folks practicing the Christian faith will gather in a place, break bread and remember part of the reason they "faith".

Loaves will be broken.

Wine or grape juice will be passed or served.  They will taste sweet or bitter on their tongue that has been coated with a doughy taste of flour and yeast and then they all wait...

wait for the Mystery of Life to unfold inside.

Sometimes

it is just an plain old bite of wonder bread---nothing happens---or so it seems

other times

there is an energy

a spark

a nourishing moment

when

"something"

hits a dry spot in our being

and

revives it

resurrects it if you will.

I really don't understand IT...

that thing

that Mystery of sorts...

but 

IT sustains me in ways and fashions I can't even begin to articulate.

I've been thinking today--doing a bit of soul searching about  who I wouldn't like to invite to the meal...who I have felt betrayed by...hurt by...injured by...about who I'd like to exclude

and

I wonder

wonder 

what kind of healing might take place

if just for a sacred moment

I starred across the room and saw

those who I'd rather not be with

all breaking bread and partaking in 

a Mysterious Banquet of sort

I mean

they have a place at the table just like me

they are loved just like me

they are valued just like me

and

yet

yet I wrestle 

with 

forgiveness and granting grace and mercy

and

risking

love.

The teacher

broke bread with

lepers,

tax collectors,

crazy folks-like me,

people who sold him out,

people who pretended not to know or understand his gifts...

The teacher broke bread

shared the cup

told the story 

lived the story

and

then 

washed 

their dirty feet.

I wonder...

just wonder...

how I might be changed...

if

I shared a bit of bread,

poured another cup and passed it on around

to my estranged brothers and sisters and people I'd just as soon not see...

wonder

what might happen if 

I risked enough

to see and touch and know them

risked getting underneath all that stuff we place upon our spirit

wonder 

what they might teach me

how I might grow

how the world might be transformed...

if

I

might risk

sharing bread

drinking drink

washing feet

and

allowing the Mystery

to heal and unfold.

May it be so

on this Holy Thursday!!!!

may the Mystery rise up

and

grab hold of you

the rambling rambler